The Fucking Thing

Size: 1.2 m

Characteristics: Brown and slimy, bulbous in shape. It has these DISGUSTING, MALICIOUS eyes that STARE STRAIGHT INTO YOUR SOUL.

Description: This PIECE OF SHIT has ruined many an expedition by scaring the researchers off. All it does is sit there menacingly with its BEADY FUCKING EYES. Sometimes it moves and makes this PUTRID SQUELCHING NOISE as it galumphs viciously like a DEMONIC SEAL. It’s terrible and I HATE it. Get this thing off my fucking screen.

Scientific Name: Fuckus Offis